What If Armond White Had a Flickchart?
Armond White is film criticism’s most famous contrarian. At one moment he writes a review declaring Toy Story 3 to be the most obscene excuse for toy commercials he has ever watched, and then two weeks later type out a glowing review of Resident Evil: Afterlife. He is of split-mind for sure. But what does his Flickchart look like?
1. Zardoz – The way the film portrays masculine-centered society is really an enlightening experience for all. It stands as the finest film to grace my 300-strong DVD collection.
2. Breakfast of Champions – Nick Nolte‘s closeted transvestite is truly representative of today’s emasculated workforce. A man so afraid of revealing who he is, he will become anyone to sell a car.
3. The Room – Tommy Wiseau is this generation’s Tennessee Williams. I only wish others saw greatness in him as I do.
4. Manos: The Hands of Fate – Gloriously illuminates the stretches that people will go to save themselves. Perhaps one of the best statements about the human condition in horror history.
5. First Sunday – It uplifts the soul to see what good Ice Cube and Katt Williams do for modern cinema. One would almost call it saintly.
6. Who’s Your Caddy – A delightful role reversal of racial discrimination in sports – particularly golf. Andy Milonakis could be the Sean Penn of a new decade.
7. EDTv – A masterclass in acting from Matthew McConaughey. Society today is all about who you are seen with and what you are doing. Ron Howard showed us what the Facebook generation would look like way before pretender ‘The Social Network‘ did.
8. Swept Away – Guy Ritchie may have done well financially and commercially with flicks like Snatch and Sherlock Holmes, but it is here with Swept Away that Ritchie’s true colors as an epic romanticist are shown. Truly splendorous!
9. Never Back Down – Was everything that Fight Club couldn’t be. A telling satire of the plight of 21st century males.
10. The Godfather – Come on! Even I like this film. Nobody hates The Godfather.
I dig the commentary on his more absurd reviews, but for full effect, this list really should have been a 6/4 split in favor of the most obscure art house titles of the last 60 years–none of them American–and lauded as examples that only a qualified film critic is entitled to understand and praise.
Funny stuff! Good to see your hatred of White is being channelled into a creative outlet
I wouldn’t call it a hatred. I just assume that if he wants attention than he can have for his “real” taste in films.
He’s just doing it for the attention. I wouldn’t give a damn about his petty reviews if they didn’t mar otherwise perfect scores for great movies on sites like RottenTomatoes.
I have an incredible amount of disgust in my heart for this man, which is very unlike me, but I can’t help it. A paid troll is all that he is.
Great post!
I think you’re missing the point. White isn’t a contrarian or troll, he’s just an unpopular critic. Most of his reviews are well written, thoughtful, insightful, funny, and praise/deride things about these films that most overlook, or just ignore. Gunning for the underdog.
It’s only when he steps on the sacred cows of fanboys, hipsters, online cinephiles, and contemporary critics (i.e. superhero flicks, action blockbusters, indies, art house, and pompous Oscar bait) – that he gets flack.
If Pauline Kael were alive today, the same mob would go after her. People don’t know what real criticism is anymore.
You’re completely right. Pauline Kael would write a glowing review of Transformers 2. I’m sorry I tried to deem knowing as much as you, sir.
Maybe she might’ve, who knows? She often had some wacky quirks that saw her fall out with a lot of the critical establishment. Hating on certain films and directors that were Golden calves.
What I dig about Armond’s writing, is that he always highlights something in a movie you’d never thought of before. The fact that the guy can find merits in Transformers 2 alone, shows that he’s worthy of some respect.
Agree. This is simply dismissive and immature . Armond White is a fascinating critic. Although I’m very disappointed by his recent turn towards reactionary politics, his first book The Resistance is essential for anyone looking to understand the art of cinema. Calling him contrarian is just infantile branding in order to not take him seriously. It’s funny how people cherry-pick Transformers 2 and say “SEE!” as if it’s any sort of argument.
From what I’ve read of his reviews, and what I’ve heard from him in interviews, I think that he’s a reviewer who prefers the kinetics of a film to any other aspect, second to that is what the film sets out to achieve. This explains his love of Michael Bay, whose films are not entirely plot or dialogue rich but are kinetically pleasing. While I don’t hold the same view as Mr. White, I can see why that is his view in a visual medium.
Zardoz is sincerely a great film, y’all.